Foreword: I am happy to discuss my methodology and any other points of interest during a free initial consultation →, but what follows is a fairly complete, standalone statement on how I view my work.
With a subject as complex and consequential as life guidance, it is no surprise that there are almost as many views on what the correct approach is as there are those offering to provide them—and that those viewpoints are debated furiously. My work differs from conventional coaching, psychodynamic psychotherapy, or counselling, and is characterized by three pillars:
All three pillars exist in the context of the emotional openness, care, humor, and responsibility I hope to bring to my client relationships as a counsellor.
Specifically, I practice a model of coaching and counselling that work in
concert. Borrowing
from the popular adage,
"give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day; but teach a person to fish, and you feed
them
for a lifetime,"
I view 'counselling' as the process of giving the
client fish—which in this analogy is emotional support—and 'coaching'
as teaching them to fish—or eventually emotionally guide themselves. I am a counsellor inasmuch as I invite you to come to
sessions as you are, and to view our
sessions as compassionate, non-judgmental spaces where we work together through anything and
everything that you choose to bring. I
am a coach, in that my primary objective is to design a program that helps you move towards your
goals, and feel fulfilled on a
fundamental, emotional level—by giving you exercises to complete in your own time, outside of
sessions. Crucially, this means that
our work together is a joint venture. It is my role and responsibility to lead you through the
process, and provide the tools and
psychoeducation you need to keep experiencing breakthroughs. It is incumbent upon you, however,
to apply those tools in your
day-to-day life, and to do the work necessary to see growth happen at the subconscious level of
mind.
Unlike in conventional psychotherapy, executive coaching, or life coaching, my approach allows you to do as much or as little work outside of sessions as you choose; knowing that the speed at which you experience changes and progress towards your goals is largely within your control.
❊
A key concept that we will be leveraging in our work together is 're-parenting'; i.e., learning to use one's rational, conscious faculties—which are within direct control—to recondition the subconscious (pre-rational) mind towards capacity, judiciousness, and health. The conscious mind can only out-will or overpower the subconscious for very short bursts of time; and this is precisely why many fail to keep their new years' resolutions, struggle with addiction, or fail to break counterproductive patterns in intimate relationships. The process of re-parenting—well as the rigorous empirical grounding of all that I teach, and my emphasis on the importance of conscious self-knowledge—is perhaps most defining of the work we will be doing together.
In order to do the work of self-exploration and re-parenting, I employ frameworks drawn from empirical study (such as Integrated Attachment Theory (IAT), CBT, DBT, IFS, and the work of the Gottman Institute), and insights on how our minds operate, taken from the latest research in cognitive neuroscience and trauma-informed psychotherapeutic methods. I am agnostic as to the ideological or cultural source of the teaching and wisdom I espouse, so long as the concept can be demonstrated empirically as statistically significant, or by a process of logical proof. In this regard—and without meaning to demean or detract from the potential insights enabled by other methods—my approach differs most obviously from the guidance one might receive from theological sources, executive coaches, life coaches, 'new age' alternatives, or, indeed, from conventional Western talk therapists. I insist on falsifiability, and on the ability to describe in detail to my clients why and how a particular process is supposed to work.
❊
A second critical concept in my practice is that of root cause. To describe the importance of this idea by analogy, I borrow from auto mechanics:
Imagine a car rolls into a mechanic's shop, and the
driver reports that the vehicle vibrates dangerously at highway speeds. A passable mechanic's superficial fix to a
superficial problem would simply be to replace the tires, which are easily observable and are
unevenly worn, and appear to be directly responsible for the reverberations.
However, without understanding and treating the cause of the worn tires—at
the root of the causal chain—the problem is not yet solved. By contrast, a good
mechanic would know to look for this root cause, and would be able to identify and fix it
efficiently and accurately.
In this case, let’s suppose that the root cause
was an electronics issue that caused the suspension system to behave abnormally. This caused the
tires to bear uneven weight, and wear out at different rates. Our good mechanic understands
vehicles inside-and-out and has dealt with this problem before, and so can fix the issue—this
time, permanently.
The dynamic with the passable mechanic is how I would
describe my personal experience with conventional Western psychotherapy. Often, conventional
psychotherapy can feel like an endless process of returning to the therapist, who offers a kindly listening ear,
but only temporary relief. During talk therapy, the goal—much less the process—is sometimes unclear. This is because, in many therapeutic relationships, there is little
work being done at that root cause level, where the problem lies. And—as in any endeavor—without a deep and specific understanding of a problem,
solving it will be impossible.
I entered this field because I discovered that—unlike good auto mechanics—many psychotherapists, coaches, counsellors, theologians and personal growth gurus do not hold themselves to the standard of understanding root cause at its lowest possible level. Western psychodynamics, psychiatry, and psychoanalysis—not to mention various forms of new-age healing, or life coaching—rely on methods that might do more good than harm, but often do not get to the heart of the matter. I insist on the ability to explain root cause to my clients, cogently and clearly, as well as an academic's approach to the acceptance or rejection of these theories. Are they explanatory? Do they have robust predictive power? Are they parsimonious? And, are they falsifiable?
Clients that seek my services tend to be looking not only for a caring and emotionally open counsellor—with whom they can be open and honest with, and bare their whole selves—but also a skilled psychologist, open-minded scientist, and an exacting thinker, who takes justification of truth-claims in the palliative process seriously. These clients want to be guided along a journey that is oriented towards results, and that offers clear directions to get there—as quickly as the circumstances of their lives and biochemistry of their minds will allow. They are willing to do the hard work required to see the results they desire, given the tools and guidance they need to succeed, and are excited to work with someone who invites tough questions on priors, process, and outcomes.